I cheated on you last night. I slept with my laptop.
somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
we just pregamed for our presentation... gotta love group bonding
I know. She seems like she getting that "need some dick" restlessness. Might explain the feisty attitude
I woke up next to him fully clothed but my thong was around his neck. Polling to decide if we had sex or not starts now.
My roommate comes home screaming, I brought you home a friend! I thought she brought me a guy...no, she brought home a one-eyed shih tzu.
How do I know if porn I have watched is haunted?
I woke up with what appeared to be LSD in my pocket. Know anything about this?
I'm drinking with a guy who apparently blew my dog sitter.
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
If last night was a preview of 2015, I quit.
I totally just pulled my thong out of my purse at the grocery store. Oops.
Ate 5 hotdogs today. You need to get me back on my tequila diet cause this shit has to stop!
Just realized how behind i am. Will gradually increase drinking until i don't remember that i missed an entire year of class.
Randomize
