I didn't mind getting the stomach flu from him. we had great sex AND I'm seven pounds lighter
the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
I'm going to come in a little later this morning....there's no heterosexual way to say this....$1 flip flop sale at old navy
What part of "you pissed in the tent" do you not understand?
guy just got out of the car at the drive in and told his girlfriend "fuck you and your taco" and walked off
I gave the guy a $20 tip on a $9 cab ride, he thought I was just bad at math but I was really just incredibly thankful to be alive and home.
I was like "don't worry, I'm a math major and you deserve the shit out of that 222% tip"
Yesterday I dumped him, went out for my birthday, hooked up with someone else, and today he still fed my cat. Living with your ex ain't so bad . . .
If I had your job the next day id be on the news. And not the good news. Like fox & friends. Nancy grace would have my ass.
I ran into cvs barefoot with my belt undone and shirt buttoned wrong and didn't even have to ask. The guy working pointed and said "they're back there."
That's how I look going for the pbr.
I only blacked out one night of three if that isn't fucking personal growth idk what is
What's the worst that could happen? I'm already broke and my leg's already broken
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea
I'm pretty sure that waking up butt ass naked with a bottle of 151 and a note that said "I didn't want to wake you up, but thanks" proves I had a good time....god bless America
I didn't have any lime for my chaser.. so after my shot I ate a handful of lime flavored chips. Didn't work so great.
woke up this morning to a baggy full of adderall and two redbulls..i'm gonna marry this guy one day
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