my entire walk over here no one looked in my eyes. Period Boobs are BAACKKK.
So I just went to student health services and on my way in there was a girl outside on her phone saying "I just dont want you to be angry" and on my way out she was saying "I have the side effects sheet right here" Someone started the semester off classy
i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
Defiantly just threw away our yearly bottle collection in front of the campus tour. The school should pay me for recruitment
hey i found one of your nipple clamps under my couch, i miss you!
you shall refer to me as my indian name from now on...running with dumb cunts
My radar detector detects ice cream trucks. I think it was made for stoners
I just want you to know that I think it is hilarious and wonderful that 40s are now your alcohol of choice.
IF THE GUY WHO I AM BORROWING OUR CAR FROM FINDS ONE CONDOM OR JIZZ STAIN IN THIS CAR HE IS GOING TO CASTRATE MY ASS. SERIOUSLY, DON'T FUCK IN THE CAR.
Anyway, it's clearly a shapeshifting vagina/AT-AT, which I never said I was SEXUALLY attracted to. Just that I liked it.
I rode home in a shopping cart so there's that. MVP to the guy that pushed it.
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
Drunk on wine at my parents house watching "RugRats In Paris". Comeatmeadulthood.
I am 11 times too hungover to give the eulogy
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