You know you love balls. Don't act all "I-Don't-Love-Balls-ish"
the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
If I say "It's good enough" and I'm not talking about a sandwhich, that's your queue to stop me, you're supposed to be my friend.
Oh and apparently TSA has to open your present from my family or the terrorists win
The state of Wisconsin is just irresponsible for letting me buy this many fireworks
he said that he wanted to outsmoke the rain, I don't know what that means but I'm gonna go help him
I only wish the guy being lead around by his cock at the drag show was the weirdest part of my night.
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
30 year old woman with braces and crocs came into the store today with her boyfriend. what am I doing wrong.
GOOGLE HAS JUST RELEASED AN UPDATE THAT ALLOWS YOU TO CATCH POKEMON USING MAPS. Pack your shit, our time has COME.
I just fucked her in the corner of an ally while holding a large pizza waiting on a pledge for a ride.
I'm like, not good at living.
i was making a gravity bong in my room and my dad walked in. he helped me finish. i love being home for the holidays.
my Mom is now my Eskimo sister... she fucked my ex in my bed and took a selfie
Gonna do a few lines then clean my room so I can feel like my life is somewhat in order.
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