Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
You might not want to sit on your couch. Actually you may want to throw it away. My bad.
A lady just asked me if you "seat yourselves" here at qdoba. I told her yea and she has been sitting at a table waiting for someone to take her order for 25 mins.
There is no excuse for watching a Jesse McCartney movie.
Dude its so hot it my room I can't jack off. Its gonna be a long summer.
What happened on tuesday that a stripper knows my full name?
I had a dream she was puking on me, but sadly in real life she was puking on me too
I think the name vodka for a girl is amazing
we're a generation of lazy underachieving stoners and uncreative overachieving automatons. you're golden
Those were some damn good pancakes you made last night.
Dude I've been in FL since Monday.
There is a direct correlation between gooch size and male fertility. Science.
Well for decently drunk, in the woods, last-person-i-should-be-hooking-up-with sex, i thought it was pretty good.
You took a selfie with my hard dick and sent it to Scott with the caption 'Toldja'. It was hard to forget you're a teenager after that
I had forgotten what new underwear feels like. It's as if angels descended from heaven for the sole purpose of supporting my junk.
Just Peed in a cup for my country. Fighting the good fight.
Randomize
