Its like common courtesy of dating, the guy pays for the weed, just like dinner
my dog ran away and came back with a marajuana plant. what are you doing tonight?
I slept face down in the dirt because I wanted to go camping?
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
He answered his phone while he was eating me out and proceeded to yell at his wife for interrupting lunch...impressed or rock bottom?
She said she wants to move in with me. Time to black out and act as if we never had this conversation.
How are you a firefighter? People actually trust you with their lives??
Woke up to a sex noise notice under my door...he gets a A+ for proformance and ill be seeing him again.
I couldn't finish the episode and had to lay down because the snapple commercial with the mustache was blowing my mind
then looked at this little girl next to me and was like "don't drink when you get older and don't let your best friend be with assholes." she looked at me like i was crazy
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
I had forgotten what new underwear feels like. It's as if angels descended from heaven for the sole purpose of supporting my junk.
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
How did people get blow jobs before text messaging?
You lost to your mom AND grandma in beer pong last night. pretty sure that constitutes a retirement from the sport
Randomize
