you should wait a day or two to break up with your girlfriend
why?
so we can have sex in the meantime. It adds a little excitement.
like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
I have a great idea. you just need to get pregnant.
Mother, no, i will not talk about this again. Please stop planning my unborn daughters life. I will not put her in pagents. That is trashy. Stop watching toddlers in tiaras. It is also trashy. I love you.
Saw a guy pass out and hit his head on a urinal. Laughing too hard to help him up
Our sex bag has now been upgraded to sex luggage, with wheels, and now features a first aid kit. Game. On.
I think that last shot was nyquil. Please come gte me. WINGS.
we were looking for paper towels to wrap his hand and i yanked a drawer out of the cabinet, it was fun so we just kept doing it. things escalated and long story short, he isn't gettin his security deposit back
He got in a shopping cart outside of home depot and insisted we push him down a flight of stairs. For science.
Well he wouldn't kiss me so I made out with a German girl, took a shot with my boss, and I think I sprained my ankle. It was a quiet Sunday for me.
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
She didn't get a tit job, she's just wearing the right size bra for once
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.
That's like a fucking falcon or some shit. I don't know birds but I know that is not a bird you fuck with.
Bitch I slept on the ground 2 nights running
The dog peed on the neighbors baby Jesus. No wonder she thinks we're the devil.
Randomize
