Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
you made me "pop lock and drop it" as a sobriety test last night..
if i remember New Year's Eve then there is something seriously wrong.
and i do it all in one night. I'm like santa but a whore.
I plan on being naked for at least 2/3 of the wedding.
Random Survey Question: If things start getting serious with this cop, do I have to stop doing coke?
I told him i turn boys gay hoping that would scare him off. Finally i found a way to take advantage of my disability.
Kyle found me outside his apartment in the hallway. Said he didn't hear me knock bt smelled alcohol through the door. I'm sucha bitch to my liver
just had sex in my dorm hall public bathroom while wearing my favorite cat sweater. tonight was a win
Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
Next guy I fuck must be a cowboy
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
I never want to even look at fireball again because it reminds me of the night I died and then lived to tell the tale of how I died.
Just packed a snack to eat on the way to McDonald's. That stoned.
Still can’t get over the fact that we ate beef jerky off a strip club floor
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