I hope mine doesn't look like that
Instead of a promise ring i got my clit peirced, its a promise that ill always give you ass! =]
We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
When you gave me the first bj i thought 'yep, this girl is going to do great things with her life'
All I learned from that experience was that drinking scotch out of a crunk goblet was bad news.
It's just like riding a bike. Only it's a dude's face.
No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter.
I think I'm going to go into my next therapy session with hot client with my fly down and when he tells me about it I'm going to say "how did that happen?!" and then porn music will start to play.
Please tell me how I go from a guy with a coke problem to a cop. My own life doesn't even make sense to me anymore
Dude, those shrooms u gave me made me remember writing the bible. Fuckn awesome
A few days ago I apparently came up, asked her to make me soup, and handed her a can of coconut milk.
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
... and smoked a joint with my new landlord. I'm starting to like Germany.
It's hard not to feel like a terrible person with bruises on your tits.
School supplies are right next to the margarita mix at target. Its a sign
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