yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
Bad news? she threw her drink in his face, left her phone at the club, and disappeared. I found her laying in bed with the bottle she stole from our VIP service. Good news is she's asleep and I have the bottle, come home
I think it's starting to become crucial that I find a companion for my vagina.
And I also succeeded in getting kicked out of a bar when I was drinking straight from the vodka bottle at our table.
Seriously? We dated for 2 weeks. TWO. And I've crushed his soul and put out the light in his dark world? What the actual fuck.
Yeah, well. That's what you get for dating a musician.
I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
I think its awesome that i just got you to cheer for sex
Well sex is awesome. Sex deserves cheers.
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
I'm going to fix your towel rack. I broke it while I was dancing on it.
I wanna go back to school and change my major to psych just to make a case study out of her
he sent me a green and gold dick pic and advised me I needed to come drive the snake from Ireland.
I think all three of us just need to suck it up and go to lunch with him to keep our bar tab down
wanna see your best friend chug a bottle of steak sauce?
please go to sleep
We could just stay sober.
No! We tried that once.
It sucked.
Randomize
