i hooked up with a boy reading dear john, i have to get points for that somewhere
no he gets major points for having a girl hookup with him after reading dear john
Dude, I just cut my asshole on the new toilet paper. If you rationed the grocery money to buy drugs, I better be getting some.
Sitting here wishing there were men in my life.
me too. too bad ive decided to fill that hole with cookie dough, closing the door to future men one fat cell at a time.
Oh, and that ugly chick transformed into a veritable goddess when she came back at 3AM with a handle of vodka and 100 chicken wings
Tell them you aren't trying to make money, you are just the mr rogers of weed,its such a good feeling a very good feeling the feeling you know that were friends
A little light bondage fun never hurt anybody (erotic asphyxiation excluded). Car batteries attached to reproductive organs have.
You are a special snowflake. A special snowflake I wouldn't mind rough sex with
Don't they also have a lot of serious head injuries?
I didn't say I wanted to marry one of them. Or that I want one to perform surgery on me. I just want to have hot, dirty, MMA style sex.
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
Friend as in 'I used to have sex with her' or friend as in 'I still want to have sex with her'?
Cant leave im designed bacon maker you come here
I fucked your neighbor. Welcome to the new apartment!
I'm going to confession for the first time in 6 years. Where do I start, the gay sex or rampant alcoholism?
If youre worried about being stabbed, you probably shouldnt be there.
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
Randomize
