she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
The only good thing about ohio is that i can get 2 half gallons of soco for 40 bucks
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
So the dentist told me I couldn't suck on anything. She emphasized ANYthing.
So, how do I go about conveying: I'm sorry, yet very glad she is having my abortion. Via text msg?
well I think it'll pretty much be gone by Saturday. On a scale of 1- Snooki's unborn child how much do periods freak you out?
Lets play hurricane shelter. And the shelter is my bed, and we forgot our clothes.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm tryin a pb and onion sandwich now
Please smoke with me until I agree that sounds like a good idea
Some guy was coming onto me last night and in the middle of it all he said: 'It literally says this on my birth certificate: Francis Coburt: The Guy Who Can Pull Two Beers Outta His Pants Like Magic.'
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
I need a hobby that isn't dick related
A log hopped out of the fireplace and caught the carpet on fire. Good summary of this election if you ask me.
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
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