If facebook stalking was a job I would totally pown it
trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
I shagged another guy with one ball last night. Are there really that many dudes with one nut in la or am I just a magnet for prostetic testes?
Youre on making sure I dont black out around fat chicks duty
Just gave some kid head in the library. Perfect way to end the semester.
Dwarf fight at five guys. Today was a good day.
RE-DICK-YOU-LUSSSSS
That's me emphasizing the ridiculous
Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.
Pathetic yet considerate
You are the funniest drunk Jew I know. Never in my life have I witnessed someone respond, "Is your dick kosher?" while being picked-up on.
Well, if it gives you any indication, when I got there, there was already some dude passed out naked in the treehouse.
He passed out. I tried to set his chest hair on fire.
My new years resolution is going to be to stop drunk snapchatting old hook ups asking them when we're going to bang again
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
And for the record I didn't even have sex last night. I threw up in his toilet and slept in his bed until noon
Randomize