Hopefully the semester will be over before she has a breakout. Then I can just avoid the situation entirely
he said i ruined lesbian porn for him
At 4am he sent "uree asss ize anmazin"
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
Our sex has gotten so much better since we broke up.
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
I need to beat up a magician now. BRB.
I'm calling in my "fuck at anytime anywhere" card. Meet me at my place in 20 min, wear your Waldo costume.
My mom wants to know what to send you in a care package. She used cat emojis, so you know it's serious
My mom just found my nipple clamps...... oh God why....
is one penis in the hand worth one better nicer penis in the manscaped bush?
She showed me her tits outside Taco Bell....After she flashed the dude working there in an effort to get in.
I have unfollowed so many people the only things showing up in my newsfeed are dog rescues and sloth memes
Well the hawks lost... so, of course, the only logical course of action was a bonfire in the middle of the street.
Literally I woke up the other day and the girl part of me was like “GET CUFFED MOTHERFUCKER” and I went ham on tinder.
Randomize
