there are singles shoved down my panties. this is the type of summer job i always wanted.
Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
we were exchanging secrets last night... she told me about how she put markers in her vaj in middle school. found a keeper.
He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
Why is there 6 cases of kwic trip dounuts dumped in my bed? Best 34 dollar wake up of my life
then she stuck her tongue in my ass
I thought we were talking about reason you aren't going to marry her?
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
hes the hot one from work who thought i was dead after my party
Woke her up in the middle of the night with the smell from a fart. So proud of my colon.
I need Jameson.
Yea? How do you think I feel? Your job during the delivery is to keep that flask ready. The moment our kid pops out, I'm taking a shot.
I'LL COME GET YOU. GOTTA FIND A SUIT THAT COVERS TIT BRUISES FIRST.
Turns out she left way earlier. So I'm stuck with this guy asking where he can score meth and if I'm really straight.
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
I DIDN'T WATCH THE PILLSBURY DOUGH BOY PORN!!!!
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
Randomize
