my little brother just caught me blowing my step cousin in the lobby bathroom at our family reunion
im so drunk with asians
where?
always
you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
i woke up to the sound of my dad getting blown. this is my life
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I'm not going to need your "it doesn't mean you're a slut" pep talk after all.
I can't help but be optimistic. I'm like a ball of slutty sunshine.
He offered me a ride home but i walked. He lives by an elementary school so a 10 yr old safety officer helped me across the street during my walk of shame
knew it was a bad idea. the look she gave me when i left her roommates bedroom in the morning really illustrated that.
He made me meet him in the baby department of walmart where he was waiting with his pregnant girlfriend. Time for a new dealer
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The novelty of Nekkid Straight Roommate has faded.
He sent me a selfie with his cat. He has found a way to my heart. And pants.
There something liberating about walking through the dorm hallways without pants on.
The only person who DOESN'T think it's a horrible idea to sleep with my ex is my therapist. Obviously I trust her judgement above all others.
The closest I'll come to committing is leaving sex toys at their house
I’m glad they have a happy marriage but why do they have to inflict it on the rest of us?
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