she was wearing a cheetah print one-piece and i slept with her anyway. big mistake.
If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
I may have discovered that porn hub is on my top visited sites during class this morning.
Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
Ok lesson learned. Don't lick the spoon when making mushroom chocolates. The kitchen walls are melting.
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
Well then. It seems like we have a Mexican standoff of genitals
No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911.
According to the red cross, I'm not suppose to do anything strenuous for the next 24 hours. That means you're on top.
Jake and I will do a protection ritual for ur dick I don't know where she has been
The airport has the best people watching and munches... It should be a destination drinking location
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
Just for the record, I did not have sex in your bed. Happy 4th of July.
One day no one will want to send me dick pics so by all means keep 'em coming
Randomize
