Dude, I just saw a bird vs. squirrel fight. A car won.
First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
I want to frame my negative pregnancy test.
my mom used to put diet coke in my bottle. i can pretty much handle anything.
He is in the front yard trying to catch birds out of the air with a fishing net.
HOW DO I ALWAS FIND THEM?! THERE WAS BE A SOCIETY OF SMALL PENISED MEN AND I MUST BELONG TO IT!
We really gotta change brands again because 2-ply is making us feel like the celebrities we aren't.
YES please come visit. Lets go get belligerent. I won't even pepperspray you
Spent the majority of my senior year drunk. Graduate of 2011, I think 2011. Probably.
we need to find a way to be drinking champagne 24/7
I couldn't even tell you how many times I've said "wrong hole" today
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?
the walk of shame isn't very shameful when your mom tells you she's proud of you.
I am real keen for none of this to be taken out of context so let’s just shut it down right now
Get over here and bring your drill!!! The strippers next door need help installing a stripper pole by their pool
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