I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
Yep, it's a dick on our front door. Intentional?
i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
Wait, we're on the hunt for addys and explosives. They're both in this house somewhere.
i love that you felt the need to clarify that you don't actually have drugs in your vagina.
It's like I opened a door and behind it lay mythical creatures sprinklin fairy dust upon the land leading me to a pot of gold. And that gold is some delicious cock.
first one here with a pint of chicken lo mein, aspirin, and diet green tea ginger ale, gets a full effort bj the day after tomorrow.
I've heard awesome things about their margaritas. I also may buy a mustache from party city. Would you do me with a mustache on??! Hahahaha. But, really.
bring the dog... nobody goes to jail with a dog.
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
I told her my hands felt like they touched the sun, never been that stoned before
She asked what a chaser is. I died a little inside, please come back..
Currently eating a pop tart in my underwear waiting for the washer. Not one of my prouder moments.
you're not celebrating your 21st birthday right unless you give a male stripper a hand job, flash the bartender, and win a free vibrator.
Randomize
