your head's too prwtty to be stuck in the books
Sry I left before you woke up. The house was really fucked up and I didn't feel like helping you clean. PS Somebody threw up on your dog
I was in holding with a guy that got a DUI on a hover round. He was so nice. We're hanging out tonight.
Just had a brita power hour to try to counter act all the wine i chugged last night.....fucking franzia
Standing in my kitchen eating choc chip cookie batter from the bowl. As sad as it is, I kinda like the places bad breakups take me.
I NEED ANOTHER LEVEL OF CAPS TO EXPRESS TO YOU THE MAGNITUDE OF MY FADDEDNESS
There's a bag in my room with garbage, a thong, fritos, and an electrical cord. I'm assuming it's yours
........yyyyyyeah that's me
He referred to our sex as being similar to "Two cheetahs cage fighting" and I have to agree.
I don't need you anyway! I have puppies and booze!
Sending dick pics while driving a car going 80 in the rain at night to a married woman? Why hello 2014
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
These snow days are takeing a toll on my liver
I'm noticing I drink less and do fewer lines when I do both together.
Now that's what I call smart money management.
TSA found the edibles
Fuck
Oh my god he just. Swiped them for explosives and handed them back to me
God bless California
The cop was standing next to me when I texted "haha" to your phone...didn't realize that he had taken it already...
Randomize
