Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
You should come over. I am making a celebratory I got laid by a huge penis cake.
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
He is peeing inside and sticking up for himself. Those are two of the four signs of the apocalypse.
There would be some who claim I got a little "carried away" or that we "probably don't need that many jello shots". They would be wrong.
I'm going through our high school yearbook trying to find what boys I want to hook up with this summer. We graduated four years ago. That's a problem.
On another note, I almost lost one side of my fake butt. Dancing the wobble with the fake butt isn't recommend.
Woo is fucking right, dude. Vodka night tonight. Honestly, every night pretty much seeems like vodka night lately. My liver wants to move out of my body like I gave it an eviction notice.
Dude did you see that video of yourself crying while bathing in vodka on YouTube?
I am sweating Crown. It all went wrong when the ratio hit 50-50
I don't know how it started but we all ended up shirtless andI was covered in crawfish and wearing a sombrero.
It's totally a relationship. we have sex in other people's beds, watch mad men while high and get drunk on his teammates' beer. don't you dare stomp on my dreams with your societal judgments
I found my parents stash of sex toys. You know my green one? My mom has it...in purple. I HAVE THE SAME VIBRATOR AS MY MOTHER
Randomize
