He's still on the phone with him. This is unnatural. Dudes don't call other dudes just to talk.
I have a voicemail from Mike at 1am. He starts to say something, but then throws up instead.
I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
If fate has that penis in my future.....I'm down.
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
it wasn't a normal cookie, i figured that out 45 minutes into my exam
just won 200$ from the school for "liking" the anti-alcohol seminar. putting it to good use
how?
not even kidding, my fake id is arriving in 6-8 business days
Directions to your booty call: go down the part of Route 66 that has all the car dealerships, motels and bad decisions, go past the Christian college and turn left at the Children's Center.
.It's like gods test of willpower against vaginal comfort
Do they sell "congrats in losing your virginity!" cards and do they come in gay?
Now: to brush my teeth, put on my grandma slippers and earplugs, masturbate to 50 Shades and then PTFO
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
We will let tequila do the talkin this weekend
We were in a bathroom while 4 dudes compared dick piercings.
Buffalowww
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly
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