dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
Stop bringing these fucking whores home with you. If I have to fight over the remote with a bleach blonde idiot wanting to watch the hills reruns one more time I'm pissing in your shampoo.
It was so good the neighbors even had a cigarette.
At least the cops kept you away from sleeping with her. Protect and Serve.
downstairs . braiding the drunk passed out girls hair, she will thank us In the morning
Repeat the weekend mantra. "I like boys with teeth, I need boys with teeth, I deserve boys with teeth, I will have boys with teeth".
He put crushed up bacon in the joint and now we're listening to the Matilda soundtrack I have no idea what's going on
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
We fed him just...so many bright colored crayons when he was blacked out. I hope he looks at his shits because this could be all for nothing
I figure even if it starts out as just sex I can bang him into loving me
He sent me a selfie with his cat. He has found a way to my heart. And pants.
and then you two started interpretive dancing to Mozart
Tip: never mention Guy Fieri during sex
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
Am I getting cock blocked by karaoke? That's a first.
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