It just hit me that I woke up to you in a bear suit. Explain.
Still can't believe they give people like us a drivers license and college degree.
She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
Also on a more serious note, what says pull my hair more: straight or soft curls?
Please just tell me how ugly she was so I can bask in the diminishingly small reassurance that might give me
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
Dude when we asked him where he lived all he could tell us was "by the slurpees." That fucked up.
THAT FUCKER WASTED TWO OF MY COLORED CONDOMS! HE DIDN'T EVEN FUCKING FINISH IN IT HE JUST SLAPPED IT ON AND WASTED IT!
Last night you said you were going to stop drinking and then proceeded to dip cookies in your vodka.
Sadly that explains a lot.
Also my face is like def lowkey made of silly putty
woke up with 4 bruises, 2 hickies and a bad case of rug burn. texans are dangerous.
Straight boys are literally imbeciles. If Darwinism doesn’t get them female rage will.
Best part though was when he wanted to cuddle and I was like, I'm going to go.
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
Is constant horniness a medical condition? Because a husband, a boyfriend and an office side piece should be enough penis for one girl - but they’re not :-(
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