Wanted to apologize for chris browning you when you were on my computer.
please tell me I'm in your upstairs bedroom. Just google mapped myself and I have no idea where I am.
what do kids with lesbian moms do for father's day? like do you talk about it? is it awkward? do you get the butchy mom a card?
Just lit a joint with steel wool and a 9 volt battery... thank you 3rd grade science class
I'm not sure if what i'm hearing downstairs is sex or not, but if it is, it sounds like there's a dog involved...i'm mildly concerned.
The dentist just giggled when he accidentally shot water across my face, I can sense how he treats women.
Like if Robert Downey Jr. and Kiefer Sutherland got together for a bender, that's how drunk I want us to be.
Single handedly the worst sex I've ever had just went down. Its like we both laid there after word-less thinking about the other " could they be any worse in bed" ?
He tried to make eye contact, he should know by now that freaks me out
The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
do you think a sharp knife would stab through a cheese suit?
Yepp, I had to be the one to explain that the girl who was slapping people in the face with a dildo was my drunk girlfriend.
How do I feel about a girl who has a g string tattooed on
Are you coming down for 4/20 or does Easter kinda fuck that up for you?
I mean she did throw a tantrum because you wouldn't let her suck your dick
Randomize
