Things to remember: Girls don't appreciate it when you yell "Beast Mode!" when switching to doggy style.
i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
He made me leave when I challenged "all you bitches" to a game of strip taboo.
We are smoking a hash blunt ... Bring your emergency inhaler
Goddamn you thin people LEAVE FOOD FOR THE BIGGER DRUNKARDS WHO NEED IT
It's not an office Christmas party until your boss confesses his undying love for your boyfriend...
New low. Just realized I hooked up with a guy from Grindr in the hallway of a building my great grandfather used to own..
Nothing quite like walking through a spider web on your way back in from smoking to fuck up a perfectly good high.
Woke up backwards on a recliner
Seriously. All I want right now is a 40 with a nipple on it, and a nap
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
So I heard her yell at him and I went downstairs to find he had lit up each one of my smokes and taken just one drag off each and had em lined up on the table. She says he "experiments" when on Ambien.
I promise your sink was clogged before I threw up in it.
we went to go have morning sex and I said “I was gonna put my mouth on it but you need to shower”#ruinedthemoment
The sex was so good we high-fived after.
Randomize
