the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
It took him longer to remove his skinny jeans than it did for him to finish. I didn't even have time to realize it sucked until it was already over.
answer the phone. i thought i was eating cheese but it was butter. i ate a lot of it.
Uh, also, Rob told me he felt bad for choking you.
Agreed. And i highly doubt it could be awkward. You do remember our introduction was a direct result of you mentioning your affinity for my genitals, right?
I don't mean to complain but you could have done a better job of keeping me alive last night
We had sex in the bathroom. Good sex. Toilet breaking sex.
So I was bartending last night and this guy w/ his gf said that he recognized me, so I asked him, "do you watch a lot of gay porn?"
He kept asking for nudes so I sent him a picture another guys dick. He called me ruthless.
In 2009 his now husband dressed in a sailor onesie and heels for pride so he needs to REMEMBER how to party
You've seen the quality of dick pics I normally get. The bar is high.
Your shirt... Was in my pants
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
These business classes have improved my drug business ten fold
Hey
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GODDAMNIT WHY AM I MISSING THIS
Randomize
