I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool
i just missed the spain goal because i was puking in the bathroom. damn you open bar.
I had to stop mid sex to take my turn on words with friends so he wouldn't get suspicious. Hookup of the night helped me. We won.
I hope my shame shaped pee stain outside your door goes away soon.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
No idea. I woke up in the middle of the night to you drooling and gnawing on my arm. Then you rolled over, punched the air 4 times, then proceeded to talk about your hair in your sleep.
I still can't believe you had sex with someone who willingly went by Peaches.
He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
Be proud. You give fat lesbians everywhere shower-nozzle worthy material for weeks on end.
Well. No wine. And no real mixers. I'm using vodka and grape juice and calling it Slurrrlot. Happy Holidays bitch.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No dude, I'm not naming my kid after your beard
Sorry I didn't answer your call last night, I was peeing on the driveway.
In other news, I had my first sex related injury of the school year so that's cool
i may or may not have bought a plane ticket for a russian cam girl to fly here. also, can you spot me $300 on rent?
Whenever you have to pee or whatever I'll be over here to harass you
I cant believe you made me read bad furry sexts
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