you're like a bully in the Christmas story
Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
I did the seizure Bad Romance dance again last night, didn't I?
you were really good actually. your skill is increasing over time
Note to self: do not take so many shots that you sit on the floor under the bar where nobody can see you, and reach out and grab peoples crotch.
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
I went to look at my notes for my take home final and all I had written was 'you're on E. You won't remember a damn thing anyway.'
Well just watched a guy puke in a trash can then proceed to pick pizza outta said trash can and eat it
When you and that girl went into the bedroom, you yelled "FOR NARNIA!"
I'm hungover from arbor mist I'm so white
i am laugh crying so hard the guy next door stopped playing guitar
there is absolutely nothing wrong with two grown men staying up all night blowing lines drinking white wine and playing call of duty. don't judge me
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
Stoned stonnnnnnned on the raaaaange
My grandpa is driving me to get condoms and wine. This is adulthood.
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