3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
I guess she didn't feel like it. There was hair all over it and everything
I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
Now that the fun of having an iPhone has worn off I find that using screen as a coke tray is by far my favorite app
I don't remember anything but yelling at the ref in Spanish.
Judging by the crutches in the living room I take it you two are fine and we aren't going out tonight?
I got kicked out of the hotel after wandering into the banquet kitchen at 2am trying to find the shrimp....so we're power napping in the car and then driving to madison.
We made out a little and then he gave me some weed. I would say it was a pretty productive stop on my way home
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
I'm done being drunk I wish I could snap my fingers and be sober
Getting dome in the backseat of a friends car with Ariana Grande playing in the background was probably the most romantic part of my night
We turned a wake into a bar crawl.
His dick is pure magic - dark, powerful, beautiful magic. It's the Elder Wand of penises
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
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