I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
i'm using my hot pot to make jello shots in a muffin tin. i'm never ever graduating.
You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
There was an audience eating triscuts and bananas in the bathroom while watching him puke. It was a good birthday.
My favorite part was walking in the bathroom, you fixing yourself in the mirror, calling your reflection a fag, then throwing a haymaker into the paper towel dispenser before going back out to the bar.
You've eaten a Lean Pocket for every meal for at LEAST 3 days now. Get your life in line.
I think she faked a seizure to get out of it ...
We let him drunkenly pack his own bags without checking them. Yet no one was surprised when the TSA girl pulled a 12 pack out of his carry on.
I pulled up iMessage on my computer and I'm pretty sure two people in my class saw that dick pic you sent. Sorry!
So many Oreos I'm regretting this decision already but I'm happy at the same time...The straddle is real
Struggle. Not straddle. I'm not straddling anyone.
Just remember: We don't tell our English professor about our fetishes unless she specifically asks about them.
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
Just for the record, I did not have sex in your bed. Happy 4th of July.
2 weeks shy of 25 and all I’m wishing for is a secret admirer who pulls my trash cans to the curb Wednesday morning for me because I always forget to Tuesday’s nights thanks to it being dollar draft night at the local bar
I love you so much and not just because your dick is perfect
Randomize
