Ok walking to car, 3 gay guys park get out of car, one on phone says 'I dont know but I was definately getting some curb rubbing'
Law school is ruining my masturbation schedule.
WHY AM I ALWAYS DEFEATED BY THE LATIN COCK?!?!
It was a cry at the bar alone type of night, served with a side of passing out facedown in my nachos.
i love that feeling when you wake up and have no idea how you got back to your dorm or why you have mac and cheese on your cheeks and eyelashes in your mouth
Yeah but I get laid and I know. He drank toilet water last night and he doesn't know about that either. Still makes me happy though.
Also, as my manager i'm going to put you in charge of making sure i don't drown.
I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid
Teeth make me feel like a dinosaur. Can you feel yours?
My week is over as of 8pm tonight, and I'm herpes free...Let's rage
I kinda wanna Instagram the giant vag stain on my sheets. That is something to be proud of. It's a Christmas miracle.
Sure. But we have to be quiet.
Ninja mode activated
Waking up at a teachers house is a very confusing thing
Cocaine and dance dance revolution for 4 hours. I consider last night a success.
I just wanted to personally thank you for throwing clementine slivers at me across the room while we made out
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