I just accidentally handed the ticket lady a condom instead of the intended ticket. I am now the official whore of Harry Potter.
Ha Ha the cop that just pulled me over would like me to tell you hi!
you called me at 4 am to tell me you found the cracker barrel location where we'll have lunch next week
So my teacher figured out I made a drinking game out of her lecture. Once my drink was gone she let us out. Happy St. Patricks day class. Your welcome
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
some drunk guy just paid $3 for each cig that i picked up off the ground. the cigs that he threw on the ground. I might just follow him the rest of the night
There were four people in the car. The girls sure know how to blow. I think we almost crashed when the driver climaxed.
i spent my morning giving relationship advice to the kid i had sex with on a kitchen table this weekend
My mom just asked me if I can obtain a fake ID by thursday
Can't feel body but making pizza rolls
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have a story for you. It involves waffles and getting naked with the local weatherman.
We broke the bed while I was handcuffed to the headboard and let's just say that was a hard one to explain to the RA
I’m pregaming Christmas shopping with grandma. What’s up?
so we’ve decided to fuck for our own health
Good thing he's hot and my vagina likes him or I'd be at Dennys right now.
Do you think it's my receding hair line that makes all the milfs attracted to me??
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