we're chasing vodka with high fives
He muttered something about having just washed he sheets, then demanded I give him all my quarters.
I just had to have my mom look at my penis to figure out what it was. How do you think my day is going?
Why does everyone think all I do is drink? I go to class on wednesdays
college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
I guess wearing a straight up bikini to class is an early indication that Thirsty Thursday has started.
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
He came home all fucked up crying slammed his bedroom door and all we could hear for about three hours was THIS ISN'T GONA RUIN MYLIFe what happend
I told him I got this chick pregnant and he has to get a new wingman
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
In case you wake up wondering why your eyes hurt... You were claiming to be Zeus and that mortal weapons couldn't harm you. Some chick took it as a challenge and pepper sprayed you. Sorry dude.
Yeah but then I feel like it's worth it like bro you just stabbed me the least you can do is get me a fuckin otter pop.
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
My girl friends dad just asked how I get so drunk and then he passed out with a bloody Mary in his hand on the couch it's 230 do you know where your parents are
I never thought I'd be on my couch watching Star Trek, getting my tits rubbed while crying.
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