meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
My hair reeks of homosexuality.
Fuck their fairy tale bullshit. I shall ruin it. With a few thrusts of my cock.
I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
It smells like wine and fried chicken. Im confused and intrigued.
You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
He had the Transformers symbol tattooed to his chest. We had to do it doggy style so I could laugh into my pillow instead of his face.
Just got an email from TMobile. Said they were going to pursue "more qualified" candidates. So this is what rock bottom feels like.
She dropped a weight class after every shot I took. I thought I was just drink something magical.
You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
Just read 119 best sex positions. I wanna try 107 of them. Can I put you down for 50?
We were taking body shots by lunch. I love college.
About 98% sure I just walked by some dude jerking it in the library. I'm guessing his college experience isn't going as planned
I JUST REALIZED THAT SINCE LEIA IS TECHNICALLY A PRINCESS AND KYLO REN IS HER SON AND STAR WARS IS OWNED BY DISNEY...KYLO REN IS LITERALLY A DISNEY PRINCE.
Oh my Gods. Why. Why did you have to tell me that. D:
SO YOU CAN SUFFER HAVING THAT KNOWLEDGE TOO.
i can't hookup with him because someone else bit my vagina
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