So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
If no ones going to say it, then I will. Vanessa Hudgens boobs are weird looking
The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
Oh I forgot to tell u. I hit someone with my car in the RiteAid parking lot. More like a nudge.
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
First roommate to find me and dance with me will live. Battle Royale.
Taking my underwear off at work was one of my better decisions this weekend
i snuck out to taco bell in my hospital gown earlier
I have never paid for drugs and I'm sure not going to start today especially on a holiday
How weird would it be to ask your bro to 3d print your dick for me
Why is there multiple peanut butter and toasts stuck to the fridge door?
I'm sorry my shit is everywhere... I accidentally got drunk while packing
I really prefer to do my walks of shame in the summer
Randomize
