R and i have drinken 4 bottles od red wine. By ourselfs
It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
looks like were buying each other an abortion for our one year present...
I understand why you refuse to be sober now
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It would be celebrated in history as "the orgasm heard round the world"
i'm not entirely sure that 'not getting kicked out of the bar until it got dark' really classifies as 'doing better'
maybe volvos are so family friendly and safe because they're extremely uncomfortable to get fucked on.
I'm really hoping to find some quality strange ass tonight while at my court appearance.
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
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Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
Not sure how but he broke three of his fingers while giving a blowjob. How does someone that accident prone survive to adulthood?
Be happy for me... Or horny... Or be a really good friend and feel what I want you to feel. Jealousy
How awkward is it to have the guy you used to sleep with congratulate you on your engagement? I'll tell you. Very.
Also mom is not happy about me telling her how much i want the women sprinters on the Olympics to beat me up
Is it okay to get drunk at a baby shower? ....asking for a friend
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