i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
You would think that an uncircumcised man would understand how the hood of a clit works.
Jenna and Ryan are ranting and raving about child custody. MY VASECTOMY SMILES.
Nothing like a little anal leakage to start off Sunday morning. Can't decide if that speaks well of my weekend or not...
i noticed he has a cardboard window on his car and he told me he locked his keys in his car and had to break in...this only makes him more appealing
She just tried to snort granola up her nose but its ok she's not bleeding.
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
Lets get coked out and steal a parrot this summer
Do you remember peeing in the sink while I was throwing up?
No ma'am, I do not. I found a video of us trying to do a trust fall though. Emphasis on the trying.
Ryan got so drunk he gave a hobo $20 and I had to zip tie him to the bed so he doesn't out stupid himself
I feel horrible. I brought her to your house like a late night pizza delivery and dropped her off.
Damn you are the highwater mark of the naked women in my life. Like idk what lined up but yeah.
Partying with my eighth grade history teacher I know you're jealous
I just don't know how to say "I want to have sex you with before you graduate" in a classy way
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
Randomize
