is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
i hope when i become a housewife i'm more of a gretchen and less of a vicky
She has 260 profile pics. In 260 she's ugly and in 255, she's making the peace sign with her hands...
Not even drunk me wanted to have sex with him. I kept intentionally hitting my head on the table behind me during sex till he said i was too drunk for sex.
Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
And before you get all mad cause I said "nipples," I actually discarded "you are so wet right now" and "you have such a raging clit-on right now."
That's called being sensitive.
The majority of the reason I want to get my pilot's license is so I can use the argument "FUCK YOU! I'M A PILOT!"
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
I should be free tonight unless my 5 speed vibrator arrives in the mail today, than we might have scheduling conflicts.
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
I got so drunk that I peed my bed...and all over him. The ironic thing is that he slept in his swimming trunks.
sexting just seems like too much work right now.
Think of the things uve done in the past. And ask urself "have I done worse?" If u answer yes. Its perfectly ok.
FINE I guess I'll just drink regular coke like a PLEBIAN.
Randomize
