Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
I'M GETTING MARRIED!
YOU'RE STILL MARRIED!
I just saw that your im name has '4eva' in it. Your man card has been revoked.
Mother nature decided I wasn't going to be a whore today. Fuck her.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
I'm currently using two paint brushes as chopsticks to eat lasagna.... college.
I slept with him to see his dog one last time
Going to.goingto.gtoing to DIE DIE DIEEEE......i feel like everyeone impotrant in my life like MLK is judging me.... saddd day
I want to play lord of the rings tonight. And by that I mean get really drunk, potentially lost, and go trekking through the woods or climbing shit. I want all of you there. You are the fellowship. This is a mass text. I am insanely high.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I smell like hot dogs and captain morgan it's 11:20 am what is my life
Maybe. I want to have sex at the fire station, most likely on one of the trucks. I wonder if I can finagle that before I tire of the spelling and grammatical errors in his texts.
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
He went down on me for an hour and a half. He needs to get promoted more often.
Me and some guy are crying in a port a potty together after another guy broke up with both of us.
yeah, my mom got it for me because it had animals AND alcohol.
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