The last thing I remeber was convincing you to hide in the fridge, and then taking everything out and you not fitting.
Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
To make up for the snow days we missed he's making us write a paper on alcoholism. It's like he knows.
mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
No. Especially when my uncle started stripping. Too many shots. So that's where I get that from.
Ever had blood in your semen? I am guessing that's a problem.
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
If I had that in my pants Omg I would want a shirt made so everyone knew
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
I know you're gay. But if I'm not getting dick, then you have to. That's what friends do.
Well we were going to compare notes, but all I could remember was throwing up, and all she could remember was kissing, so then we decided to not compare anything.
just texted my dealer that i could taste the blue but not the cheese. i said i could taste blue.
I was walking out the front door and heard his roomate say "It looks like you need a chiropractor." I think my work here is done.
My hangover didn't kick in until like 4pm so I found myself puking in the middle of Times Square. During rush hour. In a three piece suit. A spongebob came by and patted me on the back.
It's gonna be me and some oreos tonight. Basically like sex
Randomize
