would you ever date a girl who drove an 89 Chrysler LeBaron? - for the record it's a convertable
I've spent too much of my life staring at my bberry and counting to 5 to see if it blinks
so my doctor just swabbed my throat, and he looked up in suprise when i had no gag reflex. yea, he just judged me.
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
I broke his nose at the bar and he still went home with me.
Dude. I have so much pot that i only worry about running out of lighters
I'm eating a piece of cake like an apple. At least my thought process is healthy.
Your friends turned off our power in the basement and when we went to turn it back on I got sprayed in the face with a fire extinguisher. FYI.
Yeah I fingered her in the crowd and the dj saw it and gave me props over the speakers. I got so many high fives.
WHY ARE THERE NO BLACK EMOJIS? I CAN NEVER PROPERLY IDENTIFY MYSELF.
Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night.
well considering the guy who just delivered my cookies had to console me as i had a mental breakdown in front of him i'd say i'm 4/10 right now, thank you
My credit card got frozen due to suspicious activity. "Let's go over your recent transaction history... it looks like these are all at bars." BITCH, DON'T JUDGE MY MONDAY NIGHTS.
It's scary that my vibrator is a dangerous weapon. I want a new one.
It stopped being casual for me when I waxed my vagina for you
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