I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
i think i have two assholes
She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
no. i just ate a whole thing of hot dogs. me and regret are sleepng alone tonigh.
On the bright side, nobody died. Please bring me back my left shoe. I have work in an hour.
Last thing I remember is Dusty riding the bikes we "borrowed" from the hotel through the CVS while the rest of us picked up the girls who were laughing at him
She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I never thought that it would get to the point where I would have to specify that by "hang out" I meant "fuck like rabbits." Growing up shouldn't be this way.
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
He wants me to tell you "my boner misses you"
I might go to an NA meeting just to fuck that boy in the bathroom.
Haha. I found pics last week of me getting motorboated by a girl while i was taking a shot. Hahaha in my wedding dress. Classy
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
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