the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
whatever sunny in Philadelphia does on Thursday nights, I'm doing all weekend.
Yeah she is in it for the money, wait til she finds out i am broke and the sex doesnt get better
i hooked up with a boy reading dear john, i have to get points for that somewhere
no he gets major points for having a girl hookup with him after reading dear john
How was your weekend?
The sex was so good. It hurts to exist.
How do I tell my child he was conceived on a barstool in South Alabama?
I feel like all of the victims from Seven. Best birthday weekend ever.
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
He drank his beer out of his own shoe. Its his "party trick"
I'm drunk at 3:28
I'm jealous as shit at 3:34
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
YOU HAVE PISSED AND FUCKED ON LITERALLY EVERYTHING IN MY HOUSE
Not everything, just a few things. And only a few times. The odds are really not all that bad when you break it down.
you’ve pissed every time you slept over. there’s no such thing as odds anymore. it’s guaranteed
THEY HAVE BEEN GOING AT IT FOR 2 HOURS AND I HEAR THEM BANGING THIS IS BULLSHIT
Hungover. No words. Just memes.
Just for future reference. Do not do zumba while stoned out of your mind.
Randomize
