At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
And she was only 16?
You say that like it's a bad thing.
the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
she's sitting alone using her breathalyzer as a kazoo. help.
I think I used your jacking off shit when I showered. I couldn't see shit, it was all oily. Fuck power outages
It was one of those you-have-no-other-way-home-and-we-already-made-out-so-I-guess-youre-coming-home-with-me-if-you-promise-to-leave-early kind of deals.
How soon is too soon to enter the slutty phase of this breakup?
Sometimes I have to make sure these messages are going to you and I'm not about to give someone in my phone book a heart attack.
I hate how much more visible my vomit is on snow, I need a winter vomit bush
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
You're like my little fucked up version of the groundhog seeing its shadow, only it's boobs and warm weather.
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.
He stopped mid-fuck to explain his choice in pillows. HE WAS STILL IN ME!
yes we're having sex but I'm texting you...so what does that tell you?
Randomize
