dude, I'm watching paul blart mall cop. I have better things to do than listen to you whine about your recent divorce.
Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
I dont care how high you are, meat and sprinkles dont mix dude
He told me I had nice tits + they have a great shape. + then proceeded to flatten my boob + show me what the gross tits he's seen look like.
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
Dont act like I'm the only one that gets on a plane and picks out the one im gonna have fuck if we have time before the crash
Learned a valuable life lesson last night. It's titled "Tequila: Still A Bad Idea".
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
There's a man in a pumpkin/reaper outfit advertising a new head shop outside the Taco Bell. I love this town.
My mom just added me on Facebook... She has one like and it's Will Smith
Is there like a dick file on me? Guys can't hold two dicks anymore?! Who are you people????
do you think there's enough of the fabric you gave me to make a crop top for a cat?
so how about you dont randomly call my mother during parties?
How in the fuck did you get LIVE MOTHER FUCKING BATS!?!?! Into my ROOM last night????
yes that’s a photo of a horny gay donkey
Oh I know. I’ve known many horny gay donkeys in my time.
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