have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
i took an adderall last night to write a paper. i ended up watching 7 hours of roseanne and couldn't look away
just convinced brandon semen are bugs that crawl in your pants and make gooey juice. now hes convinced he has them lmao
I think any school that has COCKS written on it's baseball hats has their priorities straight.
Yo I tried to get u stoned for ur dreams by blowing weed smoke in ur face while u slept. Ur welcome.
It was the classiest, most strategic and inspired vomiting I've ever witnessed. Like a blind mans first sunrise. A priests first prayer. Or a virgins first orgasm.
Based off of the soaking wet clothes/towels/rugs, Eiffel Tower statue and monkey in the bathtub, I'm going to assume drunk me took a bath.
Are you really alive right now?
It's meant to be, Cynthia. You, him, and your developed breasts are meant for each other.
Dude...are you really going to start sexting during our friend's memorial service?
My walk of shame is starting to become positively reinforcing; I stop by Starbucks and when I leave I look someone just heading to work.
I need to stop getting so drunk at bowling
These rednecks don't fuck around. This party is completely BYOB and we now have 6 kegs, 3 of which have already been emptied.
My vagina measures dicks. It's accurate to the half inch.
If he flies out here I will sleep with him. I have morals, but not when it comes to southern accents
Our Uber driver pulled over to show us Tinder some dick pics. Top that.
Randomize
