Remember when you weren't going to be a shit show?
So I got hit on by a gay guy. It might have something to do with the fact that I licked his nose.
And why did you do that?
Tequila
Just washed my feet between classes in the bathroom...Four girls totally judged me...
I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
I hope to God 2011 is the year I stop loving tequila.
Tell nick i'm sorry for throwing a block of cheese at him last night
Maybe walking up to the cops busting our party with a "Things go better with Coke" t-shirt on and asking for my extra license back that my little brother got busted with wasn't the best idea of the night.
Ice that vagina down, get some coffee, and try not to walk with a limp. It's time to dominate, pull it together
im in the library and there's this guy on a computer just staring at a google image of beer. finals week is rough.
It's a fucking menopause festival down here at the strike zone
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
I'm working on a search warrant...can u pick up box of Chardonnay...I'll give u cash when u get here...
Yea... I love that ur a prosecutor and drink box wine
It's like jay gatsby himself preordained that our genitals meet again.
I told you that you couldn’t eat fifty tacos, you slapped me in the face, ate seventeen tacos, and fell asleep on my floor
21st birthday weekend in Vegas has concluded and all I'm missing is my underwear and 'Contacts' icon on my phone home screen.
Randomize
