I had a dream last night that Anthony Bourdain gave me a vibrator.
she just sneezed while going down on me. is it rude for me to ask her to do it again?
Why does Corona taste like a burp?
Dude, I just saw a sixteen year old girl in a catholic school uniform buying a pregnancy test... With a coupon!
i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
Okay. I really need to get out of this guys bed and get home. It's two in the afternoon. He's not even HERE.
Is it wrong that I want to take the baby bump in her facebook pictures as "meal-ticket"?
would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase?
i sent you a picture of beads you send me a picture of boobs how hard is this to understand
How much did you drink?
Enough to be hungover and still think roller coasters were a good idea
Technically ya I did. Hes tried to get down my pants like 3 times now and every time I have been all "these are not the Droids you are looking for"
REMEBER. We are young, horny, and poor. If someone wants to give us alcohol... TAKE. IT.
He told me to keep watching the Grammys and then went down on me.. I think I'm in love.
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
Autocorrect changes "sex" to "sec". I have been so long without it my phone thinks I made a mistake.
Randomize
