I coulnt tell if he was cumming or if I was throwing up
It was like watching Stephen Hawking try to swim.
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
Currently doing my walk of shame down a floating dock. No more guys who live on a boat EVER AGAIN
Ill give you a 4 hour blow job if you make my nephew go to bed.
I think its pretty common. 1 out of every 4 people probably have a stripper's phone # in their phone.
I forgot to tell you, wear something you can puke on Saturday. We're christening this marriage with a shot of jager. NOT KIDDING.
I just want you to know that I'm, like, 45% hard right now.
Feel like I died but someone put me In a human microwave and I got back to life.
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
I have vodka and 50 pizza rolls best spring break ever
You've opened Pandora's butthole my friend. There's no going back.
I have an interview tomorrow! The couple we regularly swing with said I could use them as references. Winning
if anyone asks you the platypus in my bathtub is a gift...thats all anyone needs to know
We left an ass print on the conference room table, but I don’t think anyone caught on
Randomize
