is it wrong that I prefer my women with low self esteem and a smidgen of an eating disorder?
her vagina looked like bernie madoff
I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
DUUUDE!! just found out that the fbi has a kids page. guess who's got a new jumior officer printout badge?
just found a shoebox labled "emergency smoking box"... it has a lightbulb, 2 potatoes, a dried up flower, and a button that says "stop drop and roll". what did we do last night?!
She paints her nails the color of the sheets of the last guy she slept with
He's eating a cream cheese sandwich. He's obviously distressed.
We have to give a final comment in english, i think i might say "i learned it's a bad idea to make out with people in your classes who have girlfriends."
once you get past the part where you think youre gonna die, its the most amazing drug ive ever experienced.
can you go into shock from having too many orgasms? i think i went into shock.
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
body shots are frowned upon at family weddings. i'll keep that in mind next time. maybe.
Getting dressed and listening to the song Buffalo Bill danced to in Silence of the Lambs. I'm a perfect psych major.
somehow getting chased by a bulldozer was NOT on my to-do list for today. just saying
Randomize
