Also pencil in smooth jazz and illegal activities. The usual.
I should start riding the bus again so I can drink all day
Exactly, finding that perfect flask to come with you on all your adventures is like finding the perfect wedding dress. You have to feel it.
I just finished spraying the foam party off my pumps with a garden hose
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I came back and almost ran over two people passed out in my driveway I've never met before in my life
Ever had someone sing happy birthday to you during sex?
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
Explain the King Dong next to my face.
Getting free blow from a total stranger, who asked permission to stroke my eyebrows, was the highlight of my evening out. Also, I have a new cuddle dealer.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Like I'm getting finger banged and my family is making cookies in the kitchen. Talk about terrifying
The thing about being single is like Sunday morning sex is nice but so is Sunday morning eating Nutella from the jar in your underwear
His eyefucking isn't even normal eyefucking; it's eye anal.
I’m a women at a strip club dressed as post Malone
Apparently last night I was doing back bends for the guy making my easy mac because clearly it wasn't easy enough for me.
Hi darlin, what are you doing tonight?
.... Things I will not be proud of
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