You're perfectly engineered for doggy style
I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
I wont be hard to find. Im wearing a darth vader mask and I have a megaphone.
Just watched the couple I sit for and 4 of their friends shotgun beers like college kids. Please let this be us when we get older.
I almost got away with it until she smelled beer on the stroller.
There are two things I love in this world. Dick and cats. Why can't I just have dick and cats forever
I don't give a shit if she's homeless, if you're gunna live outside el pollo loco and act like a bitch I'm squirting you with my water bottle
First sunburned tits of the season. And it's only April... I feel like it's going to be a good summer.
we def had a heart to heart that turned into a BJ last night
I'm horny too so maybe we will both recap our regrets on Sunday
Shit my boyfriend's roommate thinks thinks: I love getting woken up to the sound of my roommate getting a blowjob
So... remember when you threw an orange in the closet when we were 16 to make wine? Just found it. Not wine.
just called AAA to get my keys out of me car and then afterwards realized they were in my pocket...stoner life
It all started with a game of naked twister.
Randomize
