are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
My brain is officially off for summer until late august. If that guy wants to fuck me, he better do it soon.
Just looked in the mirror and i look like ive been gang banged. Im so proud of my boyfriend it almost hurts
One last question would your parents let me sleep in your bathtub for the night?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Trust me I was high for like 5 years...I got this
so when our kids ask "when did you know you loved mommy?" you're gonna say "when she sent me emoticons about slobbing on my knob?"
Literally had to stick my hands in my pants and hold my butt cheeks together while driving
Why did you just send me a picture of your dinner?
CAUSE LOOK HOW MUCH SPAGHETTI I'M EATING
Lets think Pancakes and sausages into existence
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He should just accept that I want his dick and his friendship. Can't he understand that I don't do emotions?
well that's what you get for sleeping with a guy called 'the defiler'
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
WHAT A DUMBASS ugh I'm so glad he looks like a middle aged dad now
Watching the awkward tinder date at the table next to mine is the most action I've had in months, so there's that.
High. As. Fuck. I thought the kid next to me didn't have an arm for like 2 hours.
Hahahaha I'm glad you woke me up with this text.
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