my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
her vagina looked like a handful of raisins.
Sometimes I forget to take my socks off when I masturbate. This always makes me feel like I'm accidentally in a porn.
Taking a shot for every status related to the patriots losing. Hello hospital.
i perioded on his leg
on. his. leg.
Poopin on the sidewaaalllkkk. I wish my text told you that was a song
Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
We told our cab driver we'd give him 3 grand if he pit maneuvered you guys in your cab.
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
I pissed myself at the bar so I threw away my wet underwear and kept partying... you act you've never done that before
Let me know. Show me one boob if yes. 2 if no
Somehow my boobs came up in conversation AGAIN last night and I'm still not getting laid...
The list of people who didn't throw up last night is insanely smaller than the list of people who did
So it was a successful night I take it?
Let's just say I peed the bed last night, and I wasn't in it alone. Whoooops
I wore my old cheerleading uniform.. He came before I even touched his dick. Should I be irritated, or flattered?
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