i guess. but if i can salvage this and still somehow see you naked i feel like that's a win
you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
well what is some mechanical horse racing with out blow involved
Freshmen girls are like potato chips you can't have just one.
I just saw the Mona Lisa in the background of a porno. Whole new appreciation for art. fuck you I'm cultured.
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
Remember that night I drank a bunch of vodka, pounded your Jameson because 'you were a pussy', punched you in the face and ran off as fast as my high heels could go? It was just my Russian and Irish sides fighting for genetic dominance
We got the DJ into it too! "If there are any dudes into other dudes out there, my man mark is looking to get pounded. Buy him a drink stat!"
The doctor that gave me my std test is trying to hook me up with her daughter lol
Drunk me spoon fed everyone baby food last night.
Don't they also have a lot of serious head injuries?
I didn't say I wanted to marry one of them. Or that I want one to perform surgery on me. I just want to have hot, dirty, MMA style sex.
The bad news is that I stole all your drugs. The good news is that ITS KICKING IN!
The guy I blew who bought us all the shots last night? I really think he's the TV guy I'm watching give the local weather. Like right now.
Randomize
