"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
a stripper queefed in my friends mouth last night and it reminded me of you. miss you
The camp director doesn't care if we drink and i'm running the rifle range. Someone is going to get sued.
Seriously. My exes act like they own shares of my vagina.
Well, in their defense, they have invested a lot of time and money
It's just a condom. Most people would commend me for saying I was going to start using them, and you're acting like I'm going to try heroin.
I just had my first boner in 64 days today....glad to find out my fluids are still pumpin
The man who lives downstairs is fluent in Russian, and also a playboy. You should meet.
I got a message from the hook up gods today that it's time to move on. It came in the form of me being shoved in a closet naked and stuck in there for 30 min well he watched boy meets world with his brother.
Haha keeping the dream alive until Chinese New Year. I'm jobless with stitches in my face.
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
The sweaty, naked apartment dance party wasn't complete until I threw the whole jar of glitter on us. It was like the icing.
How are you feeling?
I mean, shattered dignity aside, not bad.
Day drunk. He was sitting in the back seat, opened the door, leaned out, and peed right there in the dutch bros drive through. No one even noticed haha
MY GUT IS TELLING ME YES AND SO IS MY VAGINA
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