So I got hit on by a gay guy. It might have something to do with the fact that I licked his nose.
And why did you do that?
Tequila
During sex he wiggled his hips and said "I'm turning the ice cream" Deal breaker?
I haven't shaved in at least a week, he said "obviously neither one of us was prepared for this"
No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
dude there is absolutely no room for a slide in our room
Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
You were fucking on a porch at a party, not much privacy should be expected
Believe me. As soon as the boss man is out the door. I am on my way to wow your vagina with my horse-like attributes.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
After the 3rd shot, she was running around singing, "Twinkle Twinkle Big Ol' Dick, on your happy place I'll sit" to your brother.
Put that bitch's torch out. She's been voted off.
I hate having to put a bra on before I go home cuz I have to pretend I actually went to class today
No. Dude. I didn't knoe it eas floibg to move. It's slepprru ixuy!
You don't realize how cold it really is...I poured my bong out the second floor window and icicles hit the ground.
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
I was just at the gas station and happened to look left and see a girl blowing some guy. How was your night?
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