your horoscope this morning...very interesting...good luck today
My t9 writes chubies instead of bitches.
either way. win, win.
My unemployment check should really just be direct-deposited into the checking account of my drug dealer
Random 1st period thought: do you think she could put "had a threesome" on her resume?
We all need desperate help. Maybe we should just become a group of people who walk around town and shit in peoples air vents
I'm down.
He proposed that we "bone". I've completely given up on boys.
Our drug dealer just got busted, wear black tmrw
Bathtub guy came to. He helped me roll the fat chick away from the fridge. Shower and breakfast are on. You're plan failed!
As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
I just faked an orgasm while masturbating. Idk what exactly my problem is but I have one
He is so pussy whipped she has made him change his name to Toby
I know I'm high, but the dude in target definitely just told me that it's best to walk through every door in life like you're a t-rex....
Maybe? I'm not shaving my pubes for a maybe type of night.
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
I just got fed by 3 guys. I love my job.
Randomize
