The sex was so good, I called my ex during the 2nd time just so he could hear. Is that mean?
I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
he was already passed out before we got there, so i already knew i was going to like him
So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
You both must have been completely wasted because every once in a while we would hear you both stop and start singing to each other. At one point it was taylor swift.
Is it awkward to ask someone I've slept with to officiate my wedding?
If he's the sort of guy that will fuck in a public restroom, he's the sort of guy that will cheat on his gf. I'm goin for it.
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
Me too, I feel like I pinched your nipples excessively. At the time it seemed like a good idea, but in retrospect I'm not so sure.
YOU BROUGHT HANDCUFFS TO THE WHITE ELEPHANT EXCHANGE AND DIDN'T TELL ME???
We are such grown women, dealing with life's problems one shower beer and reckless makeout session at a time.
I'm going to need to invest in some knee pads if I keep having nights like tonight
Had phone sex with my boss who I still haven’t seen in person. How’s your Monday ?
He showed up in a Prius. I didn’t even wanna.... So I left.
Randomize
