Dual....:-)
after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time.
ok, im coming! i just found some lemon square in my bangs, washing that out..this shit is all over me! was i in a pie eating contest?
yes
did i win? did you like my outfit? or should i change, if you were horny would you bang me?
Hey sis... Don't forget moms day is this sun. And don't get her another gift while you are freakin high this time. The vibrator was embarrassing.
FYI the vibrator was a SUCCESS. She was in a much better mood this last year. Maybe you should get high this time and get a great gift
Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
at the last minute we also decided to throw an egg in the beer bong. and he drank it, shell and all.
hiding in a bush to avoid a seven dollar cab ride. cabby got out a flashlight and looked for us for like an hour. help.
I miss college girls! You know how depressing it is to fuck 30 year olds? That's what failure feels like
I ate all his french fries. He was no longer useful to me.
If I drank a glass of water for every drink I had I'd die of water intoxication like some tweaked out looser at a rave
I'm making a quesadilla and including it in the picture because that's the only way I think I can send her dick pics.
There's some band that practices next door to my apartment. I'm thinking we may need to check that out. I could be like, "Hey boys, thought you might like some lemonade and vagina."
Novelty of the week: Getting my lipstick back in an evidence bag
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
Randomize
