I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
there's paper in my vomit.
I just saw a kid drop his lollipop on the floor of best buy, kick it because he was pissed off and then pick it up and eat it. I think I have a long lost son.
I just found 17 dollars of saltine crackers in my room. confused incredibly. suprised not at all.
I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
I can't tell if they're having sex or watching the beach scene from Saving Private Ryan. All I know is I hear explosions and men screaming and crying
Don't be alarmed at the kitchen mess. I had to shoot the fire extinguisher on the toaster oven, one quick blast. It was a matter of safe over sorry.
Omg it was awesome. At one point she says "cum in me, I'm too old to get pregnant".
You know what it feels like? It feels like I'm in that prison from the dark knight rises. That's what being a virgin in college feels like.
My therapist keeps stopping to ask what 'hooking up' means
ITS ORAL SEX CAROL
Can we make sure camping doesn't turn into forest-orgy?
Lol, last year was UNREAL
I swear, the cow we tried to tip tried to eat me. and all I could think was, oh how the tables have turned. worst trip ever
You were mean to me and you broke my heart and hurt my feelings. You dont get to talk to me about Peter Dinklage
I went out to have a smoke, and next thing I know, he's got me bent over a picnic table praying to deities I don't believe in. You should have been there.
Did you put candle wax on my balls last night?
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