I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
I'm at a free clinic. Feel like I should cough or sneeze so it's not blatantly obvious I'm getting checked for STI's.
It was only 12:11 and I needed to make a Pepto Latte and call it a night, I don't remember that being part of my new years resolution.
My password hint says "not sunset, also facebook." i need to stop doing computer things while high. I will never figure this clue out.
No more fucking baseball tools. Walk-of-shamed home in only a pinstriped jersey and a Red Sox SnapBack.
No. I'm wrapped up in my sheets like a burrito. Carry me
not now. havin a heart to heart with drunk fred flinstone
I only listened to his story about leaving the Amish community because I was hoping for a free drink
I know more about this girls vagina than I know about her personality
I'll pretend I don't know she's blind, my morals claimed the back seat in this adventure.
I blew him while the canoe was sinking...I think of it as the better version of the titanic
I'm making myself the patron saint of bisexuality
Apparently when cookies are around I think of myself as a puppy and reward myself for everything #WhoIsAGoodBoy
No pussy. I don't care what time of year it is you do not look tough wearing sandals. Honestly you look like a high school guidance counselor.
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