i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
think i got pink eye from a stripper in vegas. showgirls did not prepare me adequately for this. be kind, 2010.
how many americans can say they have been laid before eating their first big mac?
walking around pouring bird seed on passed out guys in the quad.
no, forget the keg and come see this. prego pants here is dunking chicken nuggets into pudding and crying over a cat show on animal planet.
I knew it was on when he was dancing on stage and I gave him a dollar so in return he ripped my tit out of my shirt and started sucking on it IN THE MIDDLE OF THE BAR.
You had your dick do your apologizing for you last night. Apology accepted.
You kept yelling in my face " YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO SUCK A DICK TONIGHT!"
I'm semi drunk. I just bought you penis moisturizer. Not kidding. Keep an eye out for the package. Merry Christmas.
When you are 21 it's acceptable to run out of the tavern and puke all over the bike rack... when you are 35 it's called alcoholism.
HELP! I GOT DRUNK IN THE LIVING ROOM AND CANT GET UP UPSTAIRS
I have 13 missed calls from when I slept outside on some rocks
Well now you know not to take drugs from your friends. Take it from stangers. They're more reliable.
I mean you're asking high Chelsea. I'd sell myself for a rice crispy
Such a big mess for such a small penis
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